A is for ADHD

Just thought I’d re-blog this, partly because there’s a lot of personal stuff going on in my life right now and I haven’t had time to write a new post (re-posting an old one instead is pathetic, I know, and I’m sorry), but also simply because it was my first post to this blog, and I haven’t really written much about ADHD recently. I just wanted to keep it in the circulation because it really describes how having ADHD makes me (and I guess others) feel.

I don’t know if anyone is interested anyway, but I need a bit of a boost…and at the moment I’m not getting it from anywhere else. I’m proud of this post and stand by all I said. The feedback I got on it made me feel super happy and proud so I just wanted to re-live that feeling. Please, just let me have that, with no judgments on my poor show and my laziness on the part of my blog.

I haven’t commented on anyone’s posts recently, liked anyone’s posts recently, done any of the awards that I’m so far behind on…I’m rubbish and selfish and I’m sorry. I don’t want to revert to my old ways of having no passions. That idea practically floods my brain with dread. I don’t want to revert to being a vegetable who just has no interests in life, no emotion other than hatred and anger.

I’m not going to let that happen, though. I will get back to writing properly and consistently again soon, commenting on my friends’ (I hope you’re my friends) posts…please know how much I appreciate all of your support and I love everything you write. I’ll catch up, read it all and reply to emails etc soon I promise. Just got a lot on in my head right now. It’s no excuse, but I’m just saying. To be honest you probably aren’t missing my posts or anything anyway! It’s more that I owe it to myself to keep going, and I feel shit and guilty when I don’t keep my promise to myself. My promise that I’ll be useful and continue to do what I truly love. Not be consumed by shitty thoughts. Just sometimes find it hard.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, I should be happy. I’m going to be eighteen.

I want to feel proud of my blog again, because it was the one thing that kept me going and feeling like I had something to look forward to every day.

Thanks and sorry for the lack of commitment and for this pathetic post. I’m committed I swear but struggling. Will get back to you when I can.

E. x

happy and hungry

It’s like working on a Macbook instead of a Windows PC. Everything works so fast that it actually can become counter-productive and more confusing, putting everything slightly out of focus and making everything slightly harder to comprehend. I feel a bit like a goldfish swimming round and round the same bowl everyday. Claustrophobic, hot, anxious. It’s not like I actually know how it would feel to be a goldfish, but I think I can probably make a pretty fair guess. I’ll go with the idea that I’m a little bit like the human version of a goldfish. Perhaps it’s a tad far-fetched but I find myself quite enjoying the analogy so I’m going with it.

Now that I’ve had my diagnosis, everything that ever didn’t make sense about my life now does. Of course I still question ‘why me?’, but I now fundamentally know why I’m the way I am. I sometimes wish I could…

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Paul has written an eBook. It won’t take long to read, it’s insightful and inspiring that he has put his journey into words. It only costs 99p on Amazon so he’s not exactly asking a lot of you to read his masterpiece! x

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My First YouTube Video?

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