Hola

I decided to write my first posts in a sort of, alphabetical thing to get started..just thought it might be more fun – not sure why I thought this but sometimes when my brain likes an idea I just have to go with it. I’m using each letter as a way to describe something else about my mindset or myself. Thought it could be an interesting way to start, anyway…how long the alphabet will continue, I don’t know. I mean, I’m not sure what I could possibly say about myself beginning with a Z but I guess I’ll just face that challenge if/when it comes!

So life. Marvellous. Back-Breakingly Marvellous really. Quite literally the amount of baggage that any one person has to carry around at any one time is back-breaking! I always say you never know what goes on behind closed doors. So before you judge someone else, think of some of the stuff that you feel/say/do and ask yourself whether you’d like to be judged for it. Instead of judging someone, understand them.

But life, it really is marvellous. In my opinion, there really is no such thing as normality. There is a scale of normality for sure, and everyone’s on it somewhere, just at different levels. I, for instance, am probably sort of, well if the scale was a scale of the colours of the rainbow (or the colours of universal indicator, for those scientists among you), I would be in the red section. The highly explosive, highly reactive acid, whilst someone else will be on the slightly alkaline side of green (neutral) – but no-one can ever be in the exact centre.

But it’s great, really. The lack of normality makes this world, a far more fun and charming place to be, and the fact is that if there weren’t people walking along in the street talking to themselves, or there weren’t people who listen to the things you say but are clearly far more intent on inspecting the dirt in the corner of the door-frame, the world wouldn’t be this marvellous. People worry about petty, meaningless stuff that seems like it sucks in real life but in the grand scheme of things who cares how weird you are because we’re all fundamentally the same, but the range of normality makes for a great and diverse society.

Use your lack of normality to your advantage, and when you see someone else do something slightly ‘odd’ in the street – some frequent tick that no matter how hard they try, they can’t stop (which I’m unfortunately guilty of), catch their eye. Salute their lack of conformity so that they know that you, too, are not normal, and nor do you wish to be. You understand. You share this little connection which, in all honesty, is back-breakingly marvellous. Humans finally co-existing over something, acknowledging and understanding one-another’s difficulties. It’s a beautiful thing to watch; human’s not being selfish. It’s back-breaking because who knows how these people manage their everyday lives carrying all of that behind-the-scenes baggage on their backs? People that hurt them, thoughts that make them cry, memories that fill them with joy – you don’t know. But what you do know is that letting them know that they’re not alone is a good thing. People who are able to reject normality are actually often the most clever of us all, because they know that if they just go with it and let their body do what it feels like when it feels like, they’re a winner, because they’re shaking off what anyone else thinks about them, which I think is a trait that everyone wishes to own. The reason they aren’t ‘normal’ is because they have so many clever, racing thoughts going through their heads that they release their brain overload through a tick, a silent prayer or a karate kick, which is what society doesn’t seem to understand.

It’s YOUR life. Who is anybody to tell you who YOU are or to judge you for something YOU do? Just say ‘I’m insane and what you gonna do about it?’ Treat it as your crown jewel, you’re not a sheep. It’s an asset, not a downfall. And there’s a distinct difference between ‘not normal’ and ‘abnormal’. You’ll notice that I’ve avoided using the word ‘abnormal’, because I dislike the word. It encourages the idea of somebody being different in a bad way. Whereas simply not being normal, to me, seems like a good thing. You’re not boring.

Of course, there are levels of normality. You don’t want to be at the painful level which consists of your life feeling like one big splat of mess, which again, I’m often guilty of. Everyone feels like that sometimes – it’s human. But it’s a matter of whether you let those demons in or not. Sometimes you may feel down for not being normal. But just remember this my friends: I’m not normal. No-one is, and it’s just a matter of converting the world’s understanding, so that rather than rejecting the idea, people embrace it, as a sort of cult. It’s not looked down upon, it’s not stigmatised. Imagine a world like that.

Of course there are people who let it take over, through no fault of their own. I do, sometimes. But just keep going, show the world that you don’t care what they think. And believe it or not, it can help a lot of people. Maybe I’m being a tad far-fetched, as usual, because I like doing that. Exaggerating things because it makes stuff more exciting. Why not? But you get the general idea. It may not the ‘key to success’, but the idea of ‘converting the world’ is a nice idea nonetheless. It will never be possible to make everyone understand what it’s like to struggle with life, because there will always be those who don’t. But when you take a step back you will see that these people are a minority, and everyone else has their own back-breaking baggage to lug around their everyday lives.

And REMEMBER: No-one’s normal! What even is normal? There really is no such thing – and why should you let it change who you are?

It’s impossible to follow these rules all the time: some days you’re up and somedays you’re down. But today I’m feeling rather up, so I thought I would just share my inspiration with you. Sometimes it hurts to let yourself notice when you’re feeling bad, and by no means am I saying it’s good to let yourself get down about it. I’m merely saying that your normality is different from your next-door neighbour’s or your mom’s or your dad’s or the milkman’s. It makes you different, and yeah it sucks at times but just remember that it’s not always awful that people can’t understand you. It feels awful, but when you really take a look at your life, really examine it with a magnifying glass, you can turn anything into a positive if you try, so have a go at it next time. Here’s an example: not being normal just means that you have a secret that only you know. You don’t have to impress anyone with it, and you never have to explain or justify anything to anyone. Your normality is just yours, what makes you ‘you’, and not simply a copy of the postman. Why’s that good? Because! It just is! Your mind tosses and turns and plays ideas over and over, and resolves things for you. That’s the back-breakingly marvellous aspect to the brain. Your brain. Rather than manifesting ideas from other people, you will solve it yourself, because you’re fantastic! Be proud!

By no means am I telling you to keep things locked up. But just stop, think and breathe, as my dad always tells me. And it works. I don’t always think this rationally unfortunately, but when I’m feeling mindful, I find it good to write it down because I understand that this is how I should be thinking. So when it doesn’t seem possible, at least I know that it is, because I have proof from my writing. I hope I’m ringing home to a few of you here – it’s very difficult to explain but basically – try to be happy and know that you can’t always be sad.

During this blog I will be writing about all of my feelings – so I seem positive now but sometimes I may not seem so positive. This blog is to help me (and maybe even others) through these moods, and so my opinions and outlooks may appear to change, but they don’t. But when you let the ADHD mind take over, the rational disappears and the irrational becomes very real. Sometimes I let the bad guys run riot in my brain a little and I think irrationally, no matter what I really feel and know in my heart. So throughout this journey you’ll see the real me, which is a little like what I’ve written here today. And sometimes you’ll see, not the fake me, but the out-of-control me. The ADHD me. But that’s okay. I’m just embracing my lack of normality, as I’ve tried to encourage you to do, letting it run wild occasionally because it’s better out than in.

You have to believe that it’s your choice, to help you to be more in control, rather than believing that you’re doomed and there’s nothing you can do about it. Believe me, it’s normal to think like that. But it’s also very bad, so try your absolute hardest to never think negatively. Having ADHD means that I have a very strong tendency to be negative, especially with the medication that I take. It doesn’t make me sad, it just increases whatever feelings I have. So if I’m happy, I become incredibly happy. And when I’m feeling sad, my sadness becomes exaggerated.

Hence, I am very careful when hanging out with negative people as it can make me worse. I have nothing against them and of course I hang out with them because they’re my friends: I’m not shallow! Just sometimes, when you’re feeling bad, you have to be selfish and do what’s best for you right at that moment. I’m not nasty, I’m just honest, and I know that sometimes you must to look out for number 1 as well as constantly trying to please everyone else: which is my first hand experience and something that I’m often guilty of – I worry about hurting others and doing/saying the wrong thing, because I’m very aware that it happens a lot with my brain. Just don’t be afraid to shut the door to your room and have some ‘me’ time occasionally, that’s all I’m saying, because if your friends are your true friends, they will respect you for it and understand that sometimes a double negative isn’t good for an ADHD brain.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the post and it wasn’t too hard-going and long – I get so carried away!

Toodlepip!

-Ellie xo

© agirlwithadhd 2015.

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