So I definitely need to practise composing much shorter blog posts! I just get soo carried away because with ADHD it’s either super-distracted or super-focussed if it’s something you love! And this happens to be the case with my blog! I realised how much I really needed to address this when I commented on a fellow blogger’s post yesterday – and my comment was longer than his post itself!
So today I’m going to practise something short-and-sweet (well it should be)! I’m not sure if it’s a tag already but I’m gonna make it one: MY Summer Goals Tag! I’m gonna tag every word you say because she was the one who made me feel most welcome here, and got me thinking about this whole positivity thing which is why I wrote my May Favourites post!
So I’m going to write a sort of ‘check-list’ of things I want to accomplish over summer because it will 1) fulfil my obsessive need to write lists, but more importantly 2) because I want to give myself stuff to look forward to and to be positive about! When I get in a dark place I find it very hard to get out of that place – but if I have lots of exciting things happening I can try not to be so down and focus on those! They aren’t all gonna be ‘aims’ as such – some might just be things I know I’m doing that I can be excited about! I’ll try to get back to you at the end of the holidays to see if I actually accomplished them or not! 🙂
My school prom is technically the last day of term but because of A-Levels I will already have been on my summer holidays for ages (we don’t have to come back to school after our last exam)! Max (my boyfriend who doesn’t go to my school) gets to come too so all my friends can finally meet him! Got to go and get my dress altered again today though because it’s still too long.
2: HANG OUT WITH MAX MORE
Once we’re on holiday I won’t have any restrictions on when I can/can’t see him and for how long – his mom said I can stay at his for as long as I like and obviously my mom is cool with it because exams are over! They’re moving around a bit which is sad because it’s gonna be further away, but then again looking on the bright side, him being further away means I have an excuse to stay with him longer because I’ll have to get the train (which isn’t exactly cheap)!
3: GET A JOB
It sounds silly but I kinda really wanna get a job! Especially since at uni (hopefully I get in), I’ve applied for the most expensive accommodation because I didn’t want to share a bathroom – so I could do with some extra cash haha! Living at boarding school for the past five years has made me realise exactly what I’m willing to put up with and exactly what I’m not lol! But yeah I’ve seen there’s a cashier job available in my local Nandos so I might go for that. Not exactly the most interesting job and I kinda hate Nandos food…but hey I might apply.
I’m really really loving blogging for you guys – and for myself! I think it’s really helping me get my ADHD under control because instead of cooping all my emotions and anger inside me, I’m converting them to writing! I think awareness is super important and so I plan to continue blogging for as long as I can and will not lose focus! I think it’s really important to keep going to prove to myself and everyone else that my ADHD isn’t going to make me lose interest and leave yet another thing unfinished. Maybe I can even get my blog noticed by someone who can make it big. As in like, if I post enough about these issues maybe someone will actually do something about it. Why is someone only allowed to be sad once they’ve got a medical reason to be? For example I’ve been struggling with emotions for as long as I can remember because of my Anxiety etc and no-one really got it. But now I have ADHD it’s suddenly okay for me to be sad. But wasn’t it before? Mental health is so stigmatised because people don’t get it, and I know because people back-off from me when they realise I have a ‘problem’. So someone with depression isn’t seen as being allowed to be down because what’s happened in their life to make them sad? IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT! Sometimes people get depression just because their brain is different – there doesn’t always have to be a reason. At school there used to be two girls who self-harmed and no-one could understand it. But I’ve just found out that one of them had ADHD all along! I think I’m very lucky that I just ended up with Anxiety and OCD because I could just as easily have turned to self-harm. But basically I want to give my blog a larger platform to stand on – and relate mental health to all different kinds of topics so that it attracts all kinds of people – because the more people who know – the better. Maybe even expand to different mediums such as YouTube – who knows? The blogosphere is like a little community of people who don’t judge and who aren’t superficial and who get each other. I love it so thank you thank you thank you!!!
5: MAKE MUSIC!
Music is another passion of mine that I haven’t really mentioned so far on my blog. I played guitar since I was seven, saxophone since I was ten and I’ve always sung. I never used to have a particular problem playing my guitar or sax in front of people because I always had to for concerts and exams etc, and you cam kind of ‘hide’ behind the instrument. But singing was just my worst nightmare. I mean I loved it, and still do! But singing in front of anyone was just the most awful scary thought in the world because it’s just you! But this year, I managed to conquer that fear. I was put in the school ‘Part Song’, which is basically where they select some of the ‘quite good’ (I’m blushing) singers to make a sort of Acapella piece to sing in front of the whole school. There were about ten of us. And I was given the solo. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done and I was recovering from whooping cough at the time! But I did it – and I have genuinely never been so proud and happy with myself! So yeah – my aim for the summer is to maybe pick my music back up again (I stopped having guitar and sax lessons last year after my music AS as they were taking up too much time). I’m not sure about the saxophone just yet and my sister is now playing mine anyway. But definitely guitar and singing – I want to aim to do something else out of my comfort zone with music – it doesn’t matter what. I mean I doubt I’m gonna get an actual gig or anything haha, but I mean more busking perhaps, or even doing a mini thing for my family or for Max! It sounds feeble but I just want to prove to myself I can still do it; because I never could do anything like that before Part Song! I might actually start recording on SoundCloud as a new thing to do, you know, trying something new and might ease me into it because no-one can see my face on SoundCloud.
6: MOOD CHART
My doctor has given me this little booklet of mood charts for kids with ADHD. I basically have to fill it out every time I ‘lose control’ or just feel any particular emotion – it can even be a good one. I have to fill out the ‘Experience’, which is basically what happened that made me feel like that way, then the ‘Feeling’, so the emotion that the ‘Experience’ provoked. And then the ‘Thinking’, which is trying to think rationally about the situation (if it’s a bad one) and write down what I or others around me could have done differently to avoid it. And finally the ‘Action’; so did I cry, laugh, stop doing what I was doing, talk to the person who upset me, etc? At first I did NOT want to fill this out and to you it probably seems stupid. But yesterday I realised I hadn’t filled out any pages yet and my doctor would get eggy if I didn’t. So I sat down and filled out soooooo many pages of things that have happened since the book was given to me. It felt so good – it was just like getting a whole load of baggage off my chest! So the next one I wrote was ‘Experience: I wrote everything down in this book. Feeling: Happy, relieved. Thinking: I should do this more often. Action: Do it more often!’ So I’m gonna keep it up over summer 🙂
7: MY 18TH BIRTHDAY!
Guess what I’m doing for it?! Sounds incredibly PG for an 18th but my family, a few friends and I are going to the Warner Bros Studio Tour in London! I don’t even care that it’s for kids and I’m supposed to be turning adult – I feel like it’s one of those things everyone needs to do before they’re too old – and I’m still obsessed with Harry Potter so why not make the most of it haha!
8: TAKE UP SKATEBOARDING AGAIN
Two summers ago I took up skateboarding. It was great and I loved it! I had finally found a hobby and I was actually doing exercise with it! Shock-horror!!! I think it’s always sad when something you really enjoy just sort of, fades into the background of your life because of work and school and other ‘life stresses’. That’s what happened to skateboarding, and so I want to take it up again. My sister rollerblades really well and is always begging me to go out with her so I finally will – and I’ll stop being such a boring sister to her who never does anything exciting! The terrain round our village is awful for skateboarding though so will have to find a better location – I think it’s really good near my grandparents house so that will give me an excuse to spend more time with them too 🙂
9: MAX’S MOM SAID SHE’LL TAKE ME TO LONDON!
I don’t know whether or not this will happen but it’s still something exciting to maybe think about! She said that for my birthday she’ll take me to the ‘Ice Cafe’. Heard of it? I don’t know exactly what it consists of other than that everything there is ice – but it sounds awesome so that’s definitely something I can’t wait for if it does happen!
10: LEARN TO COOK SOME SIMPLE MEALS
So I’m hopefully off to uni in September and I can’t cook a thing! Mom has wanted me to learn forever but then again I don’t think that’s true since a couple of years ago she banned me from the kitchen because I put milk on the stove and it bubbled over and flooded everything. Apparently you can’t heat milk – but who in the world knew that anyway? But whatever. The point is that now she wants me to learn and I agree because, well, I have to if I want to actually eat at uni!
11: PASS MY DRIVING THEORY/PRACTICAL
So as of late I have failed my fourth driving theory test. I can’t apply to take my practical till I pass my theory. I haven’t had a lesson in forever because my teacher was in hospital right up until now but now it’s exams so I don’t really want to be having two-hour lessons (well to be honest mine are only an hour because I can’t concentrate on the road for that long, but still I don’t want to be doing them now). But basically I have to pass as soon as possible so I can do what I want when I want (also mom said she will stop paying for my lessons once I’m eighteen so kinda have to because I have a feeling that once I’m at uni I’ll be broke). I might do one of those intensive courses – because although my parents are paying for my lessons (THANK YOU), I am paying for the theory and am currently a hundred quid out of pocket because of it! Mom said I should tell the people who run the test that I have ADHD because they might lower the pass mark for me (!) I was just like no mom…that’s definitely not how it works! Everyone has to be a safe driver so they can’t just lower the pass-marks higgeldy-piggeldy! And also the doctor told me that apparently (not sure how true it is – I hope it’s not) 90% of car crashes are linked to un-treated ADHD! So if I told them that they’d probably be even less likely to pass me – let alone lower the pass mark haha! I am treated with my medication though so hopefully my driving (once I can actually do it) should be the same as everyone else’s with regard to reactions and concentration etc. Because before my medication I just wouldn’t notice road signs etc. Like at the end of every lesson I would get the tedious ‘please make sure you remember to focus on what you’re doing: notice road signs, other cars and not mice and squirrels that make you drift into the middle of the road’.
12: THEME PARK VISIT
Theme parks are my favourite places on Earth. Four friends and I do an annual summer trip to Thorpe Park that’s been a tradition for about five years now! So we’re gonna be off doing that again – hopefully just after we finish exams so that it won’t be packed with kids on their summer holidays. However I have recently been informed that if I bring my letter of diagnosis, they have to let me go to the front of the queue for the rides – so it wouldn’t matter if it was packed anyway haha! Apparently kids with ADHD might ‘kick off’ if they’re forced to wait in queues for too long. Alright. I’ll take that! And if they only let me go to the front and not my friends I’ll just pretend they’re my carers or something.
13: DO A GUEST BLOG SOMEWHERE
The concept of ‘Guest Blogging’ has intrigued me since I entered the blogosphere. However I think, and I repeat think I understand what it is. It’s just when bloggers post on each other’s websites to get publicity right? Well, I’d like to do that on one the best blogs in this field. That would be pretty cool. So I’ve gotta try and write as well as I can! I don’t know if it will happen but it is just something cool to aspire to! To be honest though I’d be honoured if anyone was willing to have me as a guest blogger – so comment if you’re interested haha!
14: SHOPPING IN LONDON
I must admit I’m not a big fan of spending big bucks. Okay, basically I’m the stingiest f*** there is. But my friend is making me go shopping with her before uni sometime early in the holidays because she got into an America uni so they go back really early! As in her summer holidays end in like, July! So I think we’re gonna do a big Primark clothes shop or something – and she’s gonna teach me how to not be stingy with spending money. Lol good luck with that.
15: GET MY OWN DOMAIN
I sometimes think what on earth is the point of getting your own domain? But I’ll tell you, me. It makes your website easier for others to find, more attractive and more professional-looking. Duh! Google has those things it uses called ‘spiders’ that ‘crawl’ the internet and see which content is worth reading and which isn’t. And people who don’t have their own domain basically get overpassed – therefore Google ignores them and don’t rank them highly – therefore making it harder for ‘internetters’ to find and read. Yeah, I’ve done my research. So hopefully I’ll be agirlwithadhd.com soon – and I will sort out the formatting of my site because there are still so many terms I don’t understand/issues with the site I haven’t sussed yet. They aren’t major but in order for me to feel completely happy with the site I’ll need to address all these technical stoofs, categories, menus etc, everything that is probably really obvious that I just don’t get 😛
16: GET MY TICKS, OBSESSIONS AND THOUGHTS UNDER CONTROL
They interfere with my (and others’) life (lives) and must go – summer is prime opportunity to address it because there is time. That’s all there is to be said about that one.
17: ESTABLISH A BETTER TIMETABLE
So, because I love to plan (more like I hate it when things aren’t planned), I want to make a more regular, appropriate and definite timetable for my blog. Rather than posting most days but sometimes not etc, I want to sort of dedicate blogging to every other day or something. Maybe the days in between can be for SoundCloud? I don’t know yet but I definitely want to establish what’s going on when so that, if something comes up and I’m whisked away all of a sudden it’s not the end of the world. Or if I’m staying at my boyfriends I’m not always blogging and seeming antisocial to him haha. Make sense? Good 🙂
18: TAKE PART IN OR CREATE SOME KIND OF MENTAL HEALTH CAMPAIGN
Using my blog, I want to maybe create a campaign, group or petition for the awareness and unnecessary stigma of mental health. There is the ‘Time to Change’ campaign run by Mind, the charity for mental health, which I will definitely be signing the petition for, which hopes to abolish mental health stigma. However I definitely feel like I want to do something more than just that. Mental health is something I have always felt incredibly strongly and passionately about. Maybe I’ll make some flyers and have some sort of event to raise money for a charity. I haven’t thought about it that much yet but I definitely would love to do something ‘worthwhile’ and something that’s gonna finally change things round here. I’ll start with my village and slowly target new areas – again let me know in the comments if you’re interested in participating/helping me out with this.
19: ADDRESS MY PHYSICAL HEALTH JUST AS MUCH AS MY MENTAL HEALTH
They are both of equal importance so I need to basically eat less goodies and more veggies. That is all.
20: PLAN MY POSTS IN WEEK ORDER
Instead of having loads of ideas floating round my head that stress me out more, I want to create a list of posts I want to write – and assign a date to each. For example here’s a few posts I want to do: 1: an ‘About Me’ tag so that you can really get to know who I am better – not just that I have ADHD. 2: A post explaining each type of mental illness, thoroughly researched etc, so that there’s a sort of glossary on here so that it’s again re-inforcing my passion for awareness of all health problems. Because that’s what they are. Just because they have the word ‘mental’ in front of health doesn’t mean they’re any less important than somebody with a physical health problem. 3: A post on either my favourite clothes/music/my favourite somethings. Not sure what yet. I thought clothes might be interesting because I prefer to dress slightly differently. Whether or not you like the way I dress is whatever – it just might be interesting because I’m not the typical girl and nor am I the typical ‘Tom-Boy’. I’m somewhere in the middle 🙂
That’s it for now – really enjoyed writing it and hope you enjoyed reading – now I have a nice long list of reasons to be positive 🙂 I go back to school in a couple days so posts may be infrequent for a fortnight or so as am tackling my last exams!
Thanks again every word you say for inspiring me and I look forward to seeing yours! Anyone else reading this be sure you do the tag too and link me back in your posts/comment it here so that I can see yours and we can share ideas! Thanks so much for reading, lots of love. And remember – also comment if you’re up for a guest post, or if you’re down for joining in my campaign antics – or both – or neither!
– Ellie xo
ps. I know that still was most definitely not short! But I did try I hope you guys don’t mind 😦 that’s another thing I should add haha! Practise writing shorter blog posts!
© agirlwithadhd 2015.