So I’m back from Germnay wooooo….back to sunny old England. …Although it’s my prom on Saturday :D.
I just thought I’d write a nice cheery chirpy little post for you all about my holiday. Well, specifically my friends, not the holiday exactly because I’ve kinda told you the main bits in a few other posts anyway.
So there were ten of us in Berlin; it was a big group. It was basically a sort of ‘Leavers Trip’ for everyone in my boarding house in my year group. There are actually eleven girls, but only ten of us went because one girl was already going away on holiday with her family.
As I’ve previously mentioned, I really struggle to get along with a few of the girls. Probably more through my own fault than theirs, because having ADHD doesn’t exactly make me reasonable. Like at the airport on the way back , security pulled me over to have a laptop check or something I dunno, and the woman was a bit of a bitch to me. But whatever, that’s not the point. Two of my friends waited for me to finish, and then we walked to the gate together. It was close to shutting so we sorta needed to walk fast. But for some reason they did not seem to be bothered by the fact that we had very little time to get to the other end of Schoenfeld (or however you spell it) Airport, with crowds of people everywhere (which was stressing me out even more). They were so chilled and I was just like COME ON! I hate being late because when you fly Ryanair, they take your hand-luggage bags and put them in the hold if you are not within the first one hundred passengers, OR if you’re not a adult, they think they can push you into doing what they like, even if you are within the first hundred. Basically this is all a very long-winded way of telling you that I HATE having my stuff taken away from me at airports. Like I dunno it just really bothers me when I don’t have full control of my things or when plans change. Them taking my bags away from me is a combination of the two, and I sort of freak out when they do it. Therefore I was NOT going to have my bag taken away from me again, because they ALWAYS target me as I look younger than I am.
Oh my days that was a long side-track which had absolutely no relation to what this article was supposed to be about. Basically the link I was going to make was that, because I was stressing so much about having my bag taken, I was wanting to rush, while my mates just wanted to walk at a leisurely pace. They told me to calm down and that it would be fine, and I was just like NO, IT WON’T (even though since my diagnosis it would be unlikely for them to take my stuff because if they try, I have a letter from my doctor saying I might have a melt-down so it’s on their heads). The others knew this, and were joking about it; ‘Ooooh maybe we should pretend that we have ADHD! Hahaha’. I know it’s silly and most people wouldn’t get upset but that just really pissed me off because I was stressed and then people were laughing at the fact that it’s ‘ridiculous’ that I have a ‘disability’. I’m fed up of constantly having to prove myself to them, so I just snapped; ‘it’s not funny’. One of them said; ‘I know, I know, I wasn’t laughing in a mean way’, and I just said; ‘Yeah well there’s something wrong with me. I don’t think that’s very funny to be honest’. It just bothers me that others can mock it like it’s not a big deal when they don’t even know. But yeah. Anyway, it’s amazing how much I can rant about stuff that I never intended to even talk about…there are little spurts like that which make it difficult for me to be friendly with others without getting mad. Some people don’t get that because they still judge me as a normal person rather than someone with slightly different perspectives to their own.
Anyway, the whole point of this article was to just tell you that the holiday was amazing, because I had hardly any of those little bad moments of conflict and tension. We all got on pretty well, and I really bonded with some of the girls in particular. I have been to Berlin before because my sister needed to see a specialist who lived there, so I’d already seen all the touristy sights etc. This actually turned out to be a God-send, because it meant I spent a lot of my time on the holiday with the two girls in my year-group who I probably have never been fully at ease with, in the sense that they are best best best friends and spend all of their time together, so they aren’t around for socialising often. They are great, lovely girls, and we get on really well and all, but I never spent enough time with them to be fully myself if that makes sense. And this holiday, I really came out of my shell with them. One of them lives in Berlin and it was her house that we were staying at, so obviously she had seen anything, as had the other girl, who had been on holiday there before just like me.
I’m not gonna lie, it kinda gave me a lot of confidence. I’m low on it as it is, but by the end of the holiday, we were like a little trio instead of them being just a two. I don’t even think they were sad to be lumped with me, either! We got on SO well and it actually made me so happy! These two girls have a lot of respect from the rest of the year group, too, and everyone sort of, looks up to them…so I dunno it just made me feel super happy because I just felt like I had finally bonded with them :).
I just wanted to share this little moment with you guys because this blog is a big part of my life now, and I felt so happy that we were able to connect and do fun, new things. For example whilst everyone else was seeing all the the typical tourist sites in Berlin, we didn’t go to the ‘on the map’ destinations, we just went exploring! Found some cool new markets, chilled in the garden and chatted about stuff…this sounds cheesy and repetitive but they gave me a really nice time. We stayed up chatting late into the night, and I felt like we really got to know each other, after five years of being friends but not friends friends, you know?
Thanks for reading, hope it wasn’t too boring! I should probably post a more factual and interesting article soon, because recently I’ve just been posting about myself…sorry!
– Ellie xo
© agirlwithadhd 2015.